My daughter told what she believed to be a “little” lie this week, and although it hurt me I had to take away some of her favorite things.
The Always Believe Movement talks about the importance of accountability. When we teach our girls that there are consequences to their actions, we are showing them love (even when they think we are just being mean). I want my daughter to know that she is “be…tter than that” and no matter how book smart she is, honesty and integrity are just as important. When she is truthful she will feel better, leading to a higher level of self-esteem.
Being truthful allows our girls the opportunity to feel good which leads to them loving and believing in themselves. It’s all connected!
Yesterday I attended my daughter’s AAU Volley Ball Tournament. There were two girls sitting in front of me, and they started saying really mean things about a girl on another team. They made comments about her looks, her boyfriend and other things I cannot mention in this blog. I sat there in a trance because I could not believe my ears. As they talked you could see their anger increase, it was absolutely amazing. One of the young ladies took a piece of her sandwich and started throwing it at the girl, just because!
I knew at that moment, I had to say something. I told the girl to stop and asked her what the problem was. After we talked I realized that the girl saying the mean things was jealous that the boyfriend had decided to be with the other girl. She felt rejected and essentially jealous.
Unfortunately this story is happening all over the world, and I believe we have the power to stop this mean girl syndrome. It is up to us to have conversations with our daughters about self-love, which is the only way they will have the ability to accept and love others! What can you do today to help a girl realize her worth?
My daughter is at an age where the girls in her school are often caught up in “drama”. It usually is something really small, but it can be time consuming. Here is some advice I gave her (this also helps as adults)
When people bring you garbage: you can eat it, save it for later (guarantee you it will start to smell), or you can throw it away. There is a major difference between a productive conversation and straight up “mess”. When you start throwing it away, people will stop bringing it to you.
Don’t get upset with or blame the people bringing you the garbage, they do it because they feel they can. You teach people how to treat you, so……what can you do differently?
A few of the things I have said to people trying to bring me garbage:
1. I really don’t pay attention to the gossip, I have too much going on. (or too much to be thankful for).
2. Turn the situation into a positive (She has always been nice to me, maybe she was having a bad day).
3. I am too busy trying to get my own life together. I really don’t have room to talk about anyone else.
4. This conversation is really bringing me down. I am really striving to be more positive this year.
5. My personal favorite: Nope, can’t talk about that.
What advice can you give us? What have you done in this situation?
What are your rules of engagement for those who want a front row or at least main floor seat in your life?
I understand that this might be an uncomfortable conversation, or it may seem a little harsh – trust me I get that. Years ago, I looked up and realized that there were many relationships I had that just weren’t working (really never worked). I felt that it was my responsibility to give everyone a front row seat in my life; it just seemed like the right thing to do.
Life has taught me that I can have front row requirements and that I don’t have to apologize for that. Having rules don’t mean I don’t love people or that I feel as if I’m better than – it just means that I love myself and choose to honor what’s right for me.
Example of my rules of entry:
2. No (or minimal) Drama
3. Mutual Respect
I also understand that entry into my life is cyclical and it’s not limited to a specific number of people. One day someone could be in the front row of your life, the next year they could be in the mezzanine, the next year they could be in general admission and may even work their way back to the front row. Rules of entry may not work for you and that’s OK. There are no right or wrong answers; no need for announcements, no need for fan fare. It’s your life; just do what’s right for you.
Would love to know your thoughts….Please feel free to comment.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. had a dream and a passion to fight for our quality of life. He fought despite segregation, vicious attacks, and death threats.
What if he had decided to quit? What if he decided that this struggle was just too hard?
I am so thankful that he pressed through the hatred and did not make excuses, I’m so grateful that he did not stop. His conviction, compassion and determination are why I’ve been afforded the opportunity to live my dreams.
What are your excuses for not living the life you want? I’m not suggesting that your excuses or hang-ups are not “real” to you; I’m just asking you to challenge your thinking.
Dr. King’s dream did not become a reality over night and he did fight alone. You can change your life one day at a time…You can do this.
Let’s take this journey together!
I have tossed around the word accountability for years, but decided to search the dictionary for the official definition. No disrespect to Mr. Webster, but I’ve decided to use my own. To be accountable means that I am responsible for my actions, inaction, words, attitude, etc. Being accountable means that I really don’t have any excuses and that I can’t blame anyone else (well you can, but what good does that do? – really?)
You being accountable does not mean that people are always going to be nice, fair, or even “human” but when I’m accountable it puts an entirely different twist on my mental outcome. Most importantly I learn valuable life lessons, mostly about myself!
Being accountable empowers me to understand that there is a consequence (be it good or bad) for every action – but I now don’t have to just sit by and watch “life happen to me”.
In the midst of conflicts, misunderstandings, or confusion I have conditioned myself to reflect and/or question a few things. The questions are not meant to make you feel bad or even change your decision. These questions merely help me to think some things through and make “non-emotional” decisions. My daughter and I have discussed accountability and it has truly made a difference (never too early to discuss).
My accountability reflection questions:
1. What role did I play in this situation?
2. Why did that person feel as if they could say that to me or treat me that way (we teach people how to treat us)
3. What could I have done differently?
4. What can I learn from this situation?
5. What are my next steps? (Your next step could be to do nothing)
When you are truly accountable you will stop blaming others, allow them to be who they are and change the only person you can – YOU!
Please post your comments – would love to hear and learn from you!
Our 11 year old daughter wants a page and our answer was absolutely not! Maybe I am being old fashioned, but I believe that she can communicate with her friends on a different level. I did ask her to explain the importance of wanting to belong to face book. She told me that her friends were out there and this is pretty much how everyone is communicating and she feels as if she is missing out.
We explained to her that her academics, sports, and other extra-curricular activities are enough to keep her busy. We also told her that the people she would be communicating with on face book are the same people she would see at school on a day to day basis.
It was important for her to understand that we don’t judge any child that has a face book page, but we have a different set of rules. I’m sure she did not like my answer, but I’m not trying to be “popular” – just trying to be the best parent I know how to be. Maybe one day we will give in, but I’m guessing she will be gone to college by that time!
I don’t consider myself extra strict, but I do have rules.
I was educated in an awesome traditional public school system. All of the students pretty much had the same classes: Science, Math, English, etc. I had a great time, but it was all pretty uniform.
In the third grade we decided to move our daughter to a different school. Imagine my surprise when I visited the school and found that the students address the teachers by their first names, hold some of their core classes outside, and encourages the students to embrace their uniqueness.
Holding on to my traditional view of education, I was constantly worried when Morgan did not have hours of homework and really couldn’t explain what she did in school (besides having fun). The other parents and teachers kept telling me to trust the system and not to worry. This school year she wanted to take a Forensics Class and I struggled with that decision, my “old school” education crept in. How could I possibly allow her take a Forensics Class when she should be taking another core class (never mind the fact that she already had english, pre algebra, french, science, etc.).
Luckily I relented and she is currently in the Forensics class. I have watched a young girl who did not like talking in front of crowds, memorize a speech and is now preparing to present in front of a large audience in her first competition.
I have learned that it is OK for my daughter to be educated differently, to be raised differently, and to explore new things. It is wonderful to accept the fact that times have changed and that taking Forensics, Painting, Robotics, etc. has encouraged her to explore her passions and gain confidence while learning.
Little does my daughter know that I am the one who has learned the most!
My daughter loves playing the flute and has been playing in her school band for two years. She is now in the 6th grade and found that some of the pieces are a little more difficult. While practicing, I heard her declare that she could not play the song – it was difficult.
We immediately had a discussion about how much power was in her words. If she kept saying she couldn’t then she probably wouldn’t. I gave her some personal examples of how my words had caused me to miss some opportunities in life. We had a great conversation and she continued to practice. Tonight she played the song for us and she was absolutely brilliant. The smile on her face was priceless.
If you hear your daughter talking about what she can’t do, don’t hesitate to help her see other options.
Welcome to my blog. My book Always Believe is intended to be a motivation builder for young girls.
My goal is to provide tips and stories of interest to moms who are striving to keep their daughters motivated.